I never have expected that you will departed this soon, but I guess that’s life huh? I have so much things that I wanted to say to you, but now I know I won’t have chance to. I wanted to ask whether you are proud of me, I am not as bright as you dad, but I always work hard.
We were quite close when I was a kid I guess up until SD. I remember we used to play chess, well not that often, usually when the electricity went off we played. When I got to SMP, I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I was just a hateful teenager, I thought you didn’t care about me. I am so sorry Dad, that I hated you because I think you loved my sister more than I do. I am so sorry that I was such a rebellious kid.
I know how stupid I was, I now know that you loved me so much, eventhough you are not good at verbalising it. It’s ok Dad, you are human too. You have your weaknesses. I am sorry if I haven’t succeded in my career either, but then again Dad, I am still young and you have left before giving me chance to make you proud. You left way too soon Dad.
These past few years Dad, I felt like we have grown closer. I really thank God for that, I guess it must be God that soften my hardened hart and for your part God must have done something with your communication. Oh by the way, Lina helps too, she helps to realise that you actually love me and that I need to do something about our communication. It was her Dad who can see your love and caring side.
I really treasure our trip to Tasmania with mum, that was fun and I felt like really close to you that time, reading the map while you were driving. Oh Dad, how I wish I have more time to spend it with you.. I am sorry, but this is just too sudden for me Dad, who would’ve guessed it. You play te
is regularly, so you must be healthy right Dad? I know your health has been deteriorating, but hey you’re getting older so that’s to be expected. I always thought you would live for another 20-30 years, then maybe you would come here or I would come back to Indo to take care of you. You leave me way too soon Dad, honestly.
Oh Dad, you’d probably think I married too young hehe, I knew you did, mom told me. But hey, I’ve got you a grandson and I can see that you are very proud of him. When Jet came out, the first thing came to my mind is, he’s got your nose (or Paulina’s nose). From now on, everytime I look at Jet, I will remember you. And I hope that I can love my son and tell him that I love him. I guess by now you would see that I have made the right decision on marrying my wife and yes, we are doing fine Dad.
I wish when we were on the phone, we were able to talk more Dad. Well you always asked the same questions most of the time, and I answered with similar answers. I guess that’s just you. We spoke briefly on Saturday morning, you wanted to hear Jet’s voice, he did make sound a bit for you. Oh Dad, I wish I knew that it would be the last time I spoke to you. I wish I knew Dad, I really wish I knew..
I never said that I love you Dad, I guess speaking it’s not something that we are good at. But I know that you know that I do love you. But if there’s one thing that I can say to you before you go, it would be that I love you and I am proud of being your son. You may not be the best father in the world, but I wouldn’t ask for different father than you (well except for my Father in heaven).
You shown your love to me through your questions. From your questions I know that you care, you always ask me, how is my work, how is my study, do I earn enough and that sort of thing. Maybe it’s not so much that you want me to be as succesful as you, but maybe you just being Dad, you just care about me and my family. I thank you for that Dad.
Whether you know Lord personally, only God knows, but I think you do know Him. I saw prayed before meal couple of times in the last few years, I’ve never seen you prayed before eating when I was teenager. If you do know the Lord Jesus Dad then I guess I will see you again in Heaven.
I am so upset now Dad, I am shocked that I lose you this soon, I am mad for those unspoken words to you. I guess Rest In Peace Dad. It’s been honour knowing you, it’s been a priviledge being raised up by you.